


Wait.

by DogsOfPeace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, References to Supernatural (TV), Violence, dean/cas if you squint lightly, idk guys this is my first time doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 16:32:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15247335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DogsOfPeace/pseuds/DogsOfPeace
Summary: It's purgatory all over again, but from a different angle.





	Wait.

**Wait.**  
  


     There was a frenzied buzz in the air that day. Everyone wanted to see him. Everyone wanted to claim him. We all knew the story. It was like something kids pass around at campfires, and we’d all told it to whatever ally we could hold onto for the time being. I’d personally heard it more than a hundred times. “There’s a gate,” they’d say. “It’s a gate to get back out. But there’s only one thing that can open it. Gotta be a person. A human. One with a soul.”  
  
     I’d never believed it, though. Only the soulless get one-way tickets to "Run For Your Life Land". So, how could a human end up down there, let alone one with a soul? I didn’t care, there were just too many faults in the story for me, and too little things inspiring hope in a place as desolate as purgatory. I’d put it off as just another ghost story. That is, until he got there.  
  
     I’d been there long before he’d even been a thought in the universe’s “ultimate plan,” long before anyone had ever uttered the name Dean Winchester. I had no knowledge of him then, or what exactly his existence meant for humanity as a whole, but I knew the very moment he had landed in that hellhole. We all did. We could feel him; could feel his soul. It was like our own little siren song. Calling to us, whispering in our ears: a human is in purgatory, your human is in purgatory. It was the most beautiful and the most terrifying thing that any of us had ever heard, and we all wanted a piece of it.  
  
     I wasn’t the first to get to him, not by a long shot. By the time I’d gotten there, bodies were laid out everywhere. And he looked tired, so tired. I sat there, perched in a tree nearby, thinking to myself, “he’s too tired to fight, and you just want to talk. That’s all.” But something told me not to go near him just yet. I had this chill in my spine. By that point, I’d grown an affinity for running away from danger, and I’d never wanted so badly to run. My feet just weren’t listening.  
  
     So, I just stayed. I stayed there, watching him from afar. I watched as friends and foes fell, all of them far too fascinated by him, venturing closer than they should be willing to, only to be dashed against his rocks. I’d never seen anything like it. Monsters of all kinds came from every corner of our jagged little world to see this one man. Some turned and ran before they were seen. But so many, thousands, were awestruck by his beauty, the grace of him radiating bright like a beacon. I grew fonder and fonder of him as time went by. I saw the pain and the anger in his face, and when he thought no one was around to see, I saw sadness and regret. I began to feel emotions for him I had not felt for what seemed like centuries. So, that was how I spent my days: yearning after a man who would kill me on sight if given the chance, yet had inspired compassion and hope in me all at once.  
  
     Then one day, things changed. I knew I wasn’t the only one watching him, playing it safe. But someone had finally decided to make a move. Rightfully so. A group of monsters had come after our human. Not just any group, though- it was the Leviathans. These were creatures that lived off of the chaos and destruction purgatory offered. This human threatened that, and they wanted him gone. It was obvious, their intentions. So the watcher made his move.  
  
     I’d seen him around before. I knew his face, but not his name. But I watched as he fought beside the man. I watched as he saved him. I watched the introductions, the vampire saying his name was Benny, and the man saying his was Dean. Dean Winchester. That was the first time I'd heard his name. I held it close to me, savored each syllable in every way I could. I watched them grow to trust each other. I watched them bond and I quickly came to understand. Everyone else was too late. I was too late. This Benny had claimed him. He’d claimed Dean as his own, as his ticket out of purgatory. It was final. I could not have him, and I felt an ache where my heart had been.  
  
     As all of this was happening, it occurred to me that something else was off. The Leviathans, though they usually were in charge of things around there, were distracted by something. They were falling faster than ever, and all seemed to converge on one area at time. I decided to investigate when there seemed to be an abundance of them in areas nearby, in hopes of finding a distraction from the hurt I’d brought upon myself, in an effort to forgetting about the man I could not have. I ran, and I hunted and I killed, all in hopes of losing Dean Winchester. That’s when I found _him_.  
  
    He was no human, but he belonged in purgatory no more than a human did. He reminded me of Dean- all that pain and regret and sorrow plain on his features. He looked like he wanted to die, but I couldn't bring myself to let him. So, when the day came that he could no longer fight his own battles, I began fighting for him. I became a noiseless caretaker for him. It made me feel better, important almost. It made me feel pure, like I was an angel of some sort- his guardian angel. I never learned why the Leviathans were after him. I never learned what he was, or how he'd gotten there, or who he was in the grand scheme of things. At that point, we never spoke a word, though we’d acknowledge each other’s presence every once in a while- a single look in this direction, a nod in that direction. We kept our distance, wary of each other, yet tolerant of our silent alliance.  But no matter the circumstance, I stayed and I watched him, as I’d spent so many days watching Dean. I watched him build his strength up once more. I watched him when he fell back down. I watched him when he shouted out to the heavens, cursing anything and everything that might have been up there listening. Time was not kind to us. As it went on, it stretched us out and wore us thin, but still we remained. And still, I watched him, both of us sitting silently, as he started to shamelessly watched back.  
  
     Then I watched him fall, guilt and pain and rage covering every one of his features. I watched him break all over again when Dean called out to him from the other side of the lake bank. And I knew he felt what I had felt. I watched Cas, as Dean had called him, come to the same realization I was coming to. He had been running, just as I had been, and Dean had still found us. It was as if all our fates, irreparably interwoven, were written permanently in the stars. And I could see on his face what I felt in my heart: terror. We were both terrified. Our pasts had made us wary. If the stars were not done with us, then surely there was more pain on our horizon.

     He and Dean had started to argue.

     “I prayed to you, Cas. Every night.”

     The flinch was swift, but hurt that ran across Cas' face would have been obvious to anyone who knew what to look for. But so was the determination. I couldn't hear the conversation well, but I could see him defending himself and my felt a wave of pride wash over me. Even from where I was perched, hidden away as best as the bushes allowed, I could tell Cas would not so easily disregard whatever it was that had made him run in the first place.  
  
     After that, things changed, though I couldn’t really be sure it was for the better. Cas joined with Dean, Benny never far from them. There was confusion within the trio. Dean seemed convinced, or rather determined, that he would be able to get both Cas and Benny through the gate all at once. Dean looked at Cas with a longing on his face I’d once felt for him, and I knew he would do everything in his power not to leave Cas behind. Benny was relatively silent on the subject, while Cas objected constantly, telling Dean to just let him stay behind. I wouldn’t have minded Cas staying. I'd spent a majority of my time since I'd arrived there alone. No company was usually better than company you couldn't trust. But Cas had grown on me more than I was willing to admit and if I'm completely honest, I didn't want him to go. I'd realized that I didn't mind staying as long as he'd be staying with me. But it was too much to think about, too much to take in all at once, made me too anxious. So I didn't think about it. I pushed it aside, refocused on surviving, and continued pretending he'd be there forever.  
  
      Not too long after Cas joined with the other two, I took up the habit of doing night patrols around wherever the boys had decided to camp whenever Dean needed to rest. It was late one night and I had been walking around the perimeter, when I'd suddenly felt something was wrong. I'd climbed up the nearest tree in search of a better vantage point and the gasp that racked through my body from what I saw almost cost me my balance and sent me back down the tree. On the horizon, hundreds of Leviathans were pouring down across the land. There was a never-ending stream of them, and I could feel dread rushing through my veins. I jumped down and ran. All I could think was that I had to warn them.  
  
     I crashed through the brush, running as fast as my legs would carry me, silence no longer a concern of mine. I practically ran head first into Cas, tripping over branches. As I fell, he reached out his arms and caught me. I closed my eyes, the shock from the warmth of touch- something I hadn’t experienced in what seemed too long to measure- stealing my breath, and I waited for him to reach around and snap my neck with a swift flick of his wrist, like I’d seen him do so many times before. But he didn’t. And when I looked up, I found his eyes searching mine, a piercing blue that reminded me of the freedom and joy I'd had before that place had consumed me. I was losing my composure in his arms, and I fumbled for words. I watched his eyes fill with wonder and concern, and as I watched his face relax, tension leaving his body, I was hit with an urge to save him stronger than any I’d ever had to save myself. And so my words found me.  
  
     “They’re coming.”  
  
     I straightened myself, pushing off of him and planting both feet firmly on the ground. I looked back to him and I watched his face again, as it filled with pain and regret that it normally held, and I felt something in my chest begin to ache. He reached over, gently brushing a strand of hair back behind my ear, before whispering so softly I almost couldn’t hear him.  
  
     “Thank you.”  
  
     Then he was gone. Running off through the trees to warn the others. And I stood there, the caress of his calloused fingers lingering still on my cheek. And I stood there. And I stood. And I stood. And I stood, to the wonder of the stars themselves. And I stood, still. Until I felt something rush past me, whipping my hair back out of place. I had stood too long. I pulled my blade out before I realized what was going on, feet already moving, and I swiped the creatures head clean of. And then I ran. I ran for him. I ran for us all.  
  
     I ran as the sun peeked over the horizon, faded rays falling lazily onto the fog-laden branches. I ran until I heard it. It was a piercing shriek that brought me to my knees. I collapse and covered my ears in an effort to stop the pain. I laid there, crumpled on the ground, blood flowing from my ears, and I waited for death. I waited to be crushed by a rain of Leviathan feet, stampeding towards where I want to be the most. And I waited for the yearning in my chest to explode and consume me. And I waited.  
  
     Suddenly, the shrieking grew dimmer and all was silent throughout. All I could hear was a drumming in my ear that sounded suspiciously like a heartbeat. I pushed myself to my feet and I stumbled off in the direction I thought they’d gone.  
  
     I’m still not sure what made me so determined to get back to them, back to him. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was habit. I wasn’t sure love existed in this world, but maybe it was that. Whatever it was, it pushed me to the edge of the forest. I wiped the blood that had dripped down the side of my face and looked around, leaving the tree line behind. My eyes came to rest on his dirtied, tan trench coat. Dean was stepping into what looked to be a rip in time and space itself. I had no idea where Benny was. As Dean stepped through, Cas turned and looked across the field, his eyes landing on me. I could see his eyebrows wrinkle in concern. Dean turned and reached his hand out to Cas, who still had his eyes locked on me, and then it hit me. Hard. They was leaving. He was leaving.  
  
“Cas.”  
  
     I’m not sure just how loud I’d called out to him, or if I called out at all. The drumming in my ear was still too loud and my head was swimming. My feet were moving, trying desperately to get my body to him. His eyes widened as they seemed to focus on something behind me. I didn’t know what was going on, but as I ran forward, Cas turned, pushing Dean farther, and the rip closed. He turned back to me and his blue eyes, the ones that reminded me of a sky I couldn't recall where I'd seen, filled with fear and with anger. And as I continued to move to his side, I realized why. I hadn’t seen them at first. I guess I’d gotten tunnel vision and could see nothing but Cas leaving. But as soon as I felt those long, slender fingers wrap around my chin, I saw them all. They were everywhere: in the trees, on the ground, at the top of the cliff, on every single rocks.  
  
      And as I felt the pressure of the hand get tighter, I wondered to myself how Cas would get away.  
  
      Just before I heard the crack of my own neck, the drumming ceased and I heard a single word across the clearing we stood in, clear as day. It made my heart skip its last beat, the way he whispered the word. It was full of longing and desire; desperation and sadness; guilt and regret. Everything I’d ever seen on his face, in his sad blue eyes- everything he'd kept bottled up the entirety of what felt like an eon since I’d found him- all of it was in that one word. And so, I held that word close to me. As the world went black and my blood ran cold, it rang out in my ears. It was all I could think, all I could hear, taste, and see. I floated ofn it into the unknown and I let it inspire hope in me for something better. Maybe he said something afterwards. Maybe he'd screamed out the way he had that night so long ago, cursed at the heavens again. Maybe he didn’t. I can’t recall. I’m not even sure if he was talking to me; if he was talking _about_ me. All I remember is that one word that had held so much in it.  
  
     “Wait…”  
  
      I hadn’t been ready to go, and I don’t think he had been ready for me to go, either. I don’t know what happened to him afterwards. I don’t know what happened to any of them. I just know the familiar darkness that comes with death and I hold onto the longstanding hope that I’ll open my eyes again soon. So that I can look for him. So that he doesn't have to wait for me anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first public posting of anything I've ever written ever in history ever. Please let me know how I did! I'm constantly coming back and editing this, so if you see anything, let me know that too. Improvement and ego and all that jazz. <3
> 
> Immense and never-ending thank yous to @whokilledlordmorley on Tumblr. What would I be without you? You're absolutely amazing.


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